She Never Knew
by Firenzie
Summary: Tai finally gets up the nerve to ask Sora on a date, but does she love him? Did he ask her too late? Songfic to 98 Degree's "If Only She Knew" and *NSYNC's "I Thought She Knew."


She Never Knew  
By Firenze  
  
Tai wrung his hands as he paced nervously back and forth. "Sora, I've always felt-- no... Ever since I met you -- I -- I knew you were special. Ummm...I think we've been really good friends for a long time, but I've always hoped for something else. I thought we could maybe become more...errr... What I'm trying to say is, will you go out with me?"  
  
He sighed, comepletely frustrated. "No! That's terrible. Why can't I think of something good to say to her?"  
  
"Yo, man, what's up?" Matt walked up to Tai, who was waiting outside the entrance to the tennis courts.  
  
"I'm going to do it today," he said determinedly.  
  
Matt didn't even have to ask what. It had been all Tai ever talked about. Sora, Sora, Sora, and how he needed to ask her out eventually. How he was so deeply in love. "When's her practice end?"  
  
"Like, right now." He began to sweat and worry. "Oh man, she's almost done... She's packing up, and I don't even know what to say... Geez, Matt, what do I say?"  
  
"Speak from the heart, dude. The things you tell me you need to say to her are really mushy, but sweet in a girl's opinion, so repeat that."  
  
"I don't know what I said!"  
  
"Whoa, calm down. Just...just be brave and ask her. Don't make a big deal about it. She's bound to love you too. How couldn't she? Why else would she follow you around everywhere and stuff?"  
  
"What if she's just a friend? What if that's how she truly thinks of me? Or even as a brother? I have this feeling she's going to say no..." he said nervously.  
  
"Well, you'll never know until you ask, will you?" Sora started making her way out of the tennis court area, and Matt gave Tai a push forward, then disappeared.  
  
He took a brave step to her. "Uh, hey, Sora."  
  
"Hello, Tai!" She slung her duffel bag over her shoulders. "Why're you late?"  
  
"Well, I, uh -- sorta forgot about your practice," he lied.  
  
"Oh."  
  
Who was he kidding? He couldn't lie to her. "I didn't forget."  
  
"I really didn't believe you did," she replied.  
  
"Oh. Well, I was sort of thinking... Okay, this may sound way out of left field, but would it be weird with you if we ever went out?" he asked nervously.  
  
She squrimed. "I'm guessing you mean on a date."  
  
"What else?"  
  
"Well...ahhhh....ummmm... This was really unexpected... Errr... Yeah, it would be sort of weird. Because we're buddies, we're best friends, we hang out... I always thought that was all we ever were. I didn't even know you relized I was a girl."  
  
"Of course I did!" he cut in.  
  
"I have a long story to tell you. We should probably sit down somewhere."  
  
He nodded and they sat down on a nearby bench.  
  
"Okay." *Breathe, Sora* she thought, feeling extremely uneasy. *I need to get away...* "Tai--" She looked at him and caught his eye. She quickly looked down. "There was a time that I liked you. In fact, it was a really long time. Mostly in the Digiworld. But you showed no signs at all that you ever felt more than friendship for me. Like I said, I always thought you figured I was just one of the guys to you. And if you ever did think of me as a girl, it would be as a second sister or family or something. And I thought you knew that I loved you, and you weren't doing anything. It felt like you were taking me for granted. I was just a friend to you by the way you acted, and not quite a good one, since you hardly ever talked to me after the new Chosen Children came. So the crush just faded away..."  
  
"But I did love you! I still do!"  
  
"I didn't know that," she said quietly. "Like I said, I just stopped liking you because I thought I had no chance. Then I started liking someone else. I still like them..."  
  
"Who?" Tai was hurt, angry, but mostly curious. Who had taken his place in her heart?  
  
"I can't tell you. You'll just get angry."  
  
"You think I'm not angry already, Sora? I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself. Regrets... Why didn't I ask you out sooner? Tell you how I felt before? Done SOMETHING to show how much you meant to me? And now I realize this person you like probably did those things, and that's why he has you." He sighed. "I wish I had just hinted in some not quite so subtle way... I wish..."  
  
"I wish it didn't have to be this way either. But everything still stands, Tai, and I don't know if we can do anything to change it."  
  
He looked at her. "If I have to live knowing you don't love me, can I at least live feeling happy for the person you do love?"  
  
"Are you sure you won't get jealous and mad?" she asked cautiously.  
  
"I promise."  
  
Sora took a deep breath. "It's..."  
  
Tai held his breath in, waiting. He was on the edge of his seat.  
  
In that one second, millions of thoughts raced through each of their minds.  
  
*How's he going to react? I hope he isn't mad... Oh, I know he's going to be mad!*  
  
*Who is it? Why does she keep thinking I'll be mad? Is it someone I hate? Someone completely horrible? Someone I'm already jealous of enough? Who? Just say it already!*  
  
"....Matt," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Tai--" she said quickly, but he didn't have the huge outburst she expected. He didn't jump in rage, shouting "MATT?!?! HOW COULD YOU LOVE HIM?!?!" She waited for him to say something, to react at all, but he was entirely blank.  
  
He gulped, trying to speak, but he just couldn't. After some time, he croaked out a weak, "Oh," then slowly got up and walked away.  
  
"Tai," she called sadly, but gave up. She saw the pain in his eyes, and knew how much she had hurt him, but what was she supposed to do? There WAS nothing she could've done. She couldn't make him feel better, chances are, he wouldn't want to talk to her again.  
  
He should have told her sooner. But now he was just a friend. She loved Matt now, and even though she felt sorry for Tai, she couldn't lie and pretend she loved him when she didn't anymore. It was really his fault for not telling her anything, giving some sort of sign. "Right," she whispered to herself. "It's not my fault he's hurt, it's his for not telling me sooner... It's all his fault he's feeling this way..." But that didn't make her feel as happy as she thought it would have.  
  
***  
  
Tai was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, tears clouding his eyes. He had refused to cry; he wouldn't let something like that get to him. He had expected rejection, hadn't he? So then why was it hurting so bad?  
  
Since he refused to cry and couldn't do anything else, he was thinking. Why did he take it so badly? Rejection is always a horrible thing, but if you expect it, it shouldn't hurt so much, should it? Or does it always hurt no matter what the condition?  
  
*She was my once in a lifetime  
Happy ending come true  
Oh I guess I should have told her  
I thought she knew*  
  
'I can't get over her... I love her too much. She's the only one I have loved, the only one I could love... But the reason I'm not with her is because I couldn't even tell her that. And when I finally did, it was too late. But I thought she knew that I loved her so much. And I guess I figured she'd always just wait until I gathered my courage... Oh, I was stupid."  
  
*She said I took her for granted  
That's the last thing I would do  
Oh I'll never understand it  
I thought she knew*  
  
*I thought she knew my world revolved around her  
My love light burned for her alone*  
  
'I can't believe she thought I took her for granted. I'd never do that. I always loved her, and I thought she just knew, without me having to actually say it. I wish she could have known my feelings...'  
  
*But she couldn't see the flame  
Only myself to blame  
I should have known*  
  
'...but she couldn't have. I never did anything. She was right. I never let her know in any way that she was more than a friend to me. It's all my fault, isn't it? It's because I never told her soon enough. Why didn't I just tell her?'  
  
*A heart full of words left unspoken  
Now that we're through  
I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken  
Oh I thought she knew*  
  
'I could've told her a million things. And if I did, we could have still been together. But I expect she'll never talk to me again. It's too late to do anything. All because I kept assuming she knew I loved her. I never thought about her feelings, I always figured she knew how I felt, and she could wait until I was brave enough to ask her.' "But she never knew..." he whispered aloud, falling into a deep sleep.  
  
***  
  
RING RING!  
  
Tai woke up from his sleep from the sound of the phone ringing repeatedly. Why didn't anyone get it? Where was his mom? Where was his dad? Where was Kari?  
  
RING RING!  
  
Wondering about it didn't stop the phone from ringing, so he dashed out of his room and answered it. "Hello?" he asked in a dull voice.  
  
"Hey, Tai, is that you?" It was Matt, the last person in the world, besides Sora, that he wanted to talk to.  
  
He was so close to hanging up the phone that second, but he realized he needed to get this over with. He had to learn to accept that Sora no longer loved him, and that she now loved Matt. But did he have to do it now? His mind was telling him different things, so he had to choose with his heart. Eventually, the courage embedded deep within his soul made him put the phone back to his ear.  
  
"Tai...Tai... Are you there? Hello?" Matt's voice kept asking.  
  
"Oh, sorry, Matt. I've just been kind of...having a big pity party. Sora -- she said no."  
  
"I figured that. You okay?"  
  
"Of course not. She DID love me, but she got over me because I never told her how I felt. I acted too late. Now she loves someone else."  
  
Matt sighed. "I told you you should have asked her out ages ago. You liked her since when? Elementary school? Soccer camp? The Digiworld?"  
  
"Since I met her," he replied dully.  
  
"Oh. Geez... I really don't know what to say, Tai."  
  
"You don't have to say anything. You've helped me a lot, Matt, and I'm thankful for that. But right now, I'm just not in the mood to talk, and you're speechless, so we might as well hang up. I just need to think. I'm heart broken and kind of pissed off. I'd just like to be alone."  
  
"Well, okay. I'm really sorry, man. Get better soon, all right?"  
  
"Whatever," he said and hung up. 'How am I supposed to get better soon when the girl I love doesn't love me anymore -- and loves my best friend?'  
  
***  
  
Sora was arranging a bouquet of tulips and daffodils when the little bell above the door of her mother's florist shop rang. "Can I help you?" she asked without looking up.  
  
"Yes, you can."  
  
She recognized the voice. It was Matt. "What do you want?"  
  
"I talked to Tai today," he told her, his hands in his back pockets.  
  
She went back to focusing on the flowers. "Oh?"  
  
"He sounded really bummed out."  
  
"I figured he would be," she said shortly.  
  
"He told me he was pissed off too. Do you know why?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
He shook his head. "Should I know?"  
  
"Well, I didn't really think he would tell you. I just thought there might be a chance that he would."  
  
"Why wouldn't Tai tell me why he was angry?" he asked. "Does this have something to do with the person you're in love with now? Does Tai know him?"  
  
"You could say that," she said slowly, carefully avoiding his gaze.  
  
"Would I know him?"  
  
"I think that's a definite possibility." She was careful with the way she worded her answers.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
"I don't want to tell you."  
  
He took a few steps closer to her. "Why is that?"  
  
She mumbled something that he couldn't hear or understand.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing," she said. "Look, I just don't want to talk about it, all right? And this doesn't concern you, so just please, leave me alone."  
  
He looked into her ruby eyes and tried to decipher her expression. "You're lying."  
  
She blinked. "No, I'm not. And if I were, how would you know?"  
  
"I can tell when people are lying because they blink a lot," he replied casually, trying to hide back a grin. Who would've thought that he learned something from Jun?  
  
"That's not true. Some people just tend to blink a lot--"  
  
"True," he agreed. "But I know for a fact that you're not one of them. I think I play more into this dilemma than you and Tai are letting off."  
  
"That's a bit self-centered, wouldn't you say?" she remarked, still concentrating more on the flowers than their conversation.  
  
He finally understood. "It's me, isn't it?"  
  
"What is?"  
  
"You've fallen in love with me. That's why Tai didn't want to talk to me and that's why you aren't talking either." Each second, he was starting to understand more and more.  
  
"How do you know that we're just not in the mood to talk? Because we've both just gone through one of the hardest things to say and to take. Why must you assume that you somehow come into this at all?" she questioned.  
  
"I just have this feeling. And I know for a fact that it's right."  
  
"You are so conceited."  
  
Without warning, Matt came up to her, held her face in his hands, and kissed her long and hard. When they pulled apart sometime later, he grabbed onto her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "Now look into my eyes and tell me you didn't enjoy that."  
  
She stared back at him for a while, and tried to say it, but she just couldn't. Finally, she looked away.  
  
"I knew it," he said quietly. "I knew it."  
  
"You found out what you wanted, now leave me alone," she said firmly. "I'm busy, and I don't appreciate this distraction. Now if you aren't here to buy flowers, get out." (Okay, I was watching that scene from MTV's "Love Song" when I wrote this part. It just seemed to fit.)  
  
"Fine then," he said. "Run away. Well, sooner or later, you're going to have to face it. You stopped loving Tai, probably because you thought he didn't love you back. Well, now you love me, and I love you too. What's holding you back?"  
  
"I'm not ready," she said. "And after this conversation, whether you truly love me or not, I know that I don't love you anymore. I was wrong."  
  
"You're lying again," he realized.  
  
"So maybe I am. But listen to me, and I'm telling the truth: I just broke my best friend's heart. And I'm not ready for love. It'll only hurt him more."  
  
"Why don't you think of yourself, instead of Tai?"  
  
"Because he's too much of a friend. And if doing something for myself means hurting him again, I don't want to do it," she told him, and partially herself. "Maybe I haven't completely stopped loving Tai like I thought. I really don't know. I guess love isn't the thing I need in my life."  
  
Matt shook his head and walked out the door.  
  
***  
  
Tai was walking down the streets, trying to clear his mind, but it wasn't working. He was still regretting everything.  
  
*If she only knew   
What I knew but couldn't say   
If she could just see   
The part of me that I hid away, oh yeah   
If I could just hold her in my arms again   
And just say I love you   
But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay   
If she only knew  
  
If she could just feel   
What I feel here in my heart   
She'd know it was real   
Pure and true right from the start  
But I'm just a man who didn't understand   
What she was going through   
But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay   
If she only knew  
  
And how did I let her get away  
'Cause love, love is so easy to feel   
But the hardest thing to say  
If she could just see  
What I see when I close my eyes  
All that I dream  
Surely she would realize  
But like a fool I waited much too long   
To let her know the truth   
She's gone away, maybe she'd stay   
If she only knew*  
  
He stopped and suddenly realized where he was. Right outside Sora's mom's florist shop. Sora was inside, and so was Matt. Tai clenched his fists, feeling angry for a second. And he had a right to, because suddenly, Matt kissed her. Some nerve he had! Matt was supposed to be his friend! Then, minutes after he talked to him on the phone, he was kissing Sora. He pressed his face against the window and looked in. By reading their lips, he could slightly make out what was going on. Then after a while, Sora said something and Matt left.  
  
Tai made sure Matt didn't see him. Then after he was long gone, he gathered his nerve and walked inside the shop.  
  
Sora looked up immediately this time when she heard the bell ring. "Tai..."  
  
"I think we need to talk," he decided.  
  
She sighed. "We talked about this already."  
  
"I saw Matt kiss you," he told her.  
  
"Oh, that. Listen--"  
  
"It's okay, I know exactly what happened," he cut her off. "So do you love him or not?"  
  
"I don't know anymore..." she said. "Please don't ask me any more of these questions. I'm too confused. I don't know who I love, and who I don't, who I used to love... Just give it up."  
  
"I'm fine if you don't love me," he said. "It was really my fault. I should have told you I loved you sooner."  
  
"It would have made a difference," she agreed, "but it's too late now."  
  
"I understand that. I just want to know if we can ever be friends again."  
  
Sora shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe we will, maybe we won't. Personally, it's leaning to the 'yes' side. But if you're somehow trying to ask if I'll ever love you again, I'm not sure. Except this time, it's different, because now I know."  
  
He nodded, his spirits lifting. Maybe, possibly, it wasn't too late for her to love him. He had another chance. This time he wouldn't ruin it.  
  
***  
  
A/N: This was a Sorato originally. But I changed it around. Supposing I ever get the Scribbles thing up, the Sorato version might be on there. This sucked, of course. Lately, I've been hating everything I've been writing. At least this one is a Taiora this time. And if anyone is wondering why I can't write a fluffy story with a completely happy ending anymore, I don't know either. Review, don't (probably that's what everyone will do), flame it horribly, do whatever you want, though I'd prefer reviews.  
  
Disclaimer: Tai, Sora, and Matt aren't mine. "I Thought She Knew" (the first one) belongs to *NSYNC. "If Only She Knew" is from 98 Degrees (their second album, 98 Degrees and Rising). Goes to show the similarity of boy band songs, doesn't it? 


End file.
